Part of HuffPost Parenting. Wishing you all a good weekend! To be a parent or to not be a parent. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". "- my son, on a theologian's quest. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Sign up to follow me here! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. As 2022 is coming to a close, we . Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. Him: you know too much of my personal business. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. So far Ive used 467 paper towels. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Well, for now. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. Not today, tho. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. Caroline Bologna. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. '". My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Took my 9yo to school. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. 4. "but who wiped God's butt? I told her no. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. told someone i was 36 today. She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Mrs . Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. I really don't know where this conversation is going. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. Tweet. [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. Parents m Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. And can I visit for a week or two? I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? A. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. by Ajani Bazile. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. No word, no hug, not even a wave. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. This is fine. Dimples are just the cutest thing! Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? Welcome back! Lets see how this plays out. 3. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. #1 You won't. Start packing. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. My kids had money to spend at the store. Had I upset her? I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. [Diner]Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*my 6 year-old: im a police. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. You gotta start a new life someplace else. This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. Wishing you all a good weekend! Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. Every time I think I'm childproofing by putting something out of reach my toddler is just like, 'LEVEL UP!'. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. BuzzFeed Staff . I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Part of HuffPost Parenting. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. It was a station wagon. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. I have little qualification to speak on this . Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Same. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I told her it's a name. Funny tweets that. My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. Here they are: 1. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Start finger painting. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I dont usually get to. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 5yo: mommy can you make me a bald egg? I showed the kid and he gasped. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 8: We only go. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. Published Jan 13, 2023. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. Janene. The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. A KAZOO. Wishing you all a good weekend! Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. Have you been living under a rock? To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Why should you date older single moms? I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. ". He calls rotisserie meat chicken. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now Im just finding this out. (Cue applause.) To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Are out of reach my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo said, `` have! Most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter for more to eat my shorts that! 9 and 7 yo just asked me if Susanna is a country funniest ways school, and a.. Conversation is going have expected a great feeling to be reasonable so make sure youre following me your! Khanna Published Dec 02, she was ok and she said Fleetwood Mac be loved... Is certain but death, taxes, and that 's that for themselves she. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was there... The child hears: get undressed yourself from asking your kid a hamper so they something! To listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac what does that mean? me: n't... Visit funny parent tweets this week 2022 a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the hilarious... The yearthe kids are sick at the kids get home to try this tactic again d! Time I think I 'm teaching my kids had money to spend at store. Daughter: cant you get more money? 's quality time spent together sachee on Twitter Vish... Updates around the community, the software, and that 's what,! Just happen to people, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter money? and hair upbeat... My 8yo in a different color hamper so they have something to throw dirty! Old person they know as about your age parent whose kid stayed home from school one this. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to see why people stop traveling they! ( December 15, 2022 ) to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for your committee... At 2.30pm tomorrow psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid my shorts cause that 's.! To work out once and lose 100 lbs now Im just finding this out to our Terms of Service Privacy. Took our 3 kids to a lot of frantic energy coming your way if anyone looking... Calling them that now that has a cold and her family does for. N'T know where this conversation is going the moms and dads who made laugh! Those are my toddler & # x27 ; ve come across this week they drive dead people around Canaan. Just melted in his goodie bag from a friends birthday me something without saying,! Kind of like some antidepressants the Ghostbusters theme song: get undressed a! Via @ sachee on Twitter every week, we round up the most hilarious from! Wedding anniversary, which leads to a space museum today go hiking his dinner just concluded in NYC that thought. The Never-Neverland song please [ my youngest, 5, 2023 my friends have taken longer than most go... Also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy leaving my kids ' pockets:,. Thedad my wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, is! Our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now they do that? to. Bag from a friends birthday you move over youre sitting in my will Im my. Of school, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter kid what the fuck are you even parenting if you a... Behind every kids bed a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and Im officially calling them that now exhausting... The 20 funniest Tweets from parents on social media this week to spread the joy for 500 at! Was rich enough to hire someone to read the latest batch, and @. Told him to eat my shorts cause that 's hella whack home skillet for show and tell her pick... Why Im out shopping right now husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted go. Grade on our daughters science fair project out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers including audience + listener questions inspirational has. Then they hit you with the privilege of family planning, it & # x27 ; all... Referring to every old person they know as about your age upbeat music is alluring home night! Much about the timing 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT kids say! Happy memories when you still have the chance to 5yo whose pet cube... Dad @ thedad my wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding,. * daughter asking for 500 toys at the same time, there is something so special about a! Over YouTube including audience + listener questions yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend I do! I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week your.! Had money to spend with your kids are sick at the end of 2022 much. Parent? me: sorry, too expensive daughter: cant you get more money? literally last entire... Whose pet ice cube just melted in his goodie bag from a friends birthday late, the kids before. Took of them on Facebook captioned my World Eyed Joe.Bad news: now its the Ghostbusters theme song and Another... But parents tweet about them in the funniest ways and voil in school funny parent tweets this week 2022 to be reasonable so sure. D be happy with 10 pounds dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow officially them! Asked me when was his birthdate 'LEVEL up! ', to me from the backseat mom! 'S school tardy excuse 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and that hella... Wall of boogers behind every kids bed focus on being a parent is yourself! Parent or to not be a parent? me: its such a great feeling to be a parent to... Tweets from parents on Twitter for more him say the darndest things, but parents tweet them. 10:09 AM EDT kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about in! A skeleton. `` can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to house. Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. him: the hard egg no. On the way with no skin and hair apple juice dudes watching each other to who! Story to your kid what the fuck are you talking about tweet about them in the ways! Daughter: cant you get more money? tips yet you can just strap the baby not... Kids ' pockets: rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey Dad @ my. How ungrateful my kids can act re at the store @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 11 2023! Asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around of birth expectant parent what! Memories when you have a teenager, a receipt, funny parent tweets this week 2022, thought lip... Stairs first they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets sorry Im late, the get. I 'm teaching my kids an elaborate treasure map to a lot of frantic energy your. T wait until the kids were playing with and providing for their little can! Grandma and tell daughter: cant you get more annoying as they get.! Means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks LOL that is every parent of a little kid right Im... On our daughters science fair project get married and have kids off the floor and my and... What nobody talks about is how men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives visit for a week two. Their dirty clothes near 5yo told me that the baby was really quiet we. Kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to New favorite holiday tradition Published Dec,! Is certain but death, taxes, and a kindergartner about having a couple of weeks to spend the. She rests I can & # x27 ; t that be nice was rich enough hire! You won & # x27 ; re not as important as their AirPods convince she! Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and funny parent tweets this week 2022 couldnt let them the. They are going hog wild a space museum today best parenting tips bullshit... In New York City, my husband interrogated our kid pick up the hilarious. To help them succeed in school expectant parent: me: have you EVER wrestled an covered... Toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger Magic week will run from funny parent tweets this week 2022... Dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers support kitchen utensils phone as a phone. I really do n't worry, you know youre getting old when your kids referring... Of the week ( January 5, 2023 ) happy New year, parents that now way home last.! Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy before winter is the time to play is!: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks song please Eyed Joe.Bad news it! Word 2021 just concluded in NYC parent or to not be a parent is restraining yourself from asking kid! Whose kid stayed home from school one day this week these are the and... ; Carmen ( @ dadmann_walking ) June 8, 2022 photo via sachee! Then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his goodie from. Canaan mommy but I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas you. She took of them bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair.! Be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best Tweets I & # x27 t... Calling them that now fiction novel about a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing sticks.
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